It’s a cliché because there’s truth in it: gay men ge closer to women in a way that the average hetero guy just doesn’t. David Carter, a gay writer surrounded by women, thinks straight men should be more like him and tells us how it works

Like women, gay men are sticklers for detail, and no gay man would fail to notice a woman’s new hairdo/shoes/ earrings or to compliment her on choosing the best coconut oil and hair treatment. But don’t simply say that her new dress is “nice” – tell her it’s a fantastic colour and looks expensive. A detailed compliment sounds much more genuine than a general one.

Empathies Straight men don’t do empathy. That’s because, unlike sympathy, it’s hard work. It requires you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand their feelings. And gay men are masters at it. If a woman cries, a straight man will put her on the back; a gay pal will join her in the wailing, and sometimes that’s exactly what a woman wants.

Drop the macho act Chest beating might impress your male peers, but it cuts no ice with women. In fact, one of the main reasons women and gay men get on so well is because of their shared loathing of aggressive macho posturing. It’s why, when confronted with a violent situation, 80% of women say they’d walk away or negotiate the situation rather than get stuck in.

Express yourself

Facial expressions are integral to the way gay men (and women) communicate. According to Man Pease, co-author of Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps (Orion, £7.99), women use six listening expressions every ten seconds, while men only have one. Study her expressions and try to copy them.

Let down your guard Stoicism might well be an effective male self-defence mechanism, but it’s as boring as hell to women. Vulnerability, on the other hand, is sexy. Gay men have always known this. So next time you’re with a woman, drop the stiff upper lip act – be bold and say that sometimes you can’t cope and burst into tears. Then let her pull you tightly to her breast.

Blink According to the Families & Social Capital Research Group, the absence of any sexual agenda with gay men boosts women’s self-esteem -they feel valued for their personality. However, men are programmed to nipple-gaze, which tends to belie your true intentions. So, to disguise your interest, flutter your eyelids.

According to studies conducted by Dr Florence Shadlen, from the University of Washington, “Puzzles, board games and activities like dancing seem to be protective against dementia.” She’s clearly never heard of Richard Whiteley.

“Treat the brain as a muscle – it needs exercise to stay toned,” agrees Mensa chairman Sylvia Herbert. But don’t wait until you qualify for a bus pass to fight future marble misplacement: get back to school now.

Researchers at the University of Columbia found that people who had received eight years of education or less were twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s as those with eight or more. Similarly, subjects who had been employed in menial jobs were more likely to develop the disease than those who’d worked in more mentally challenging positions.

Master your memory Over to memory champion Tony Buzan, inventor of Mind Maps, president of the Brain Foundation and author of Master Your Memory (BBC, £7.99). “There are 12 techniques to assist memory,” says Buzan: Synaethesia: To increase your memory, you have to become more aware of your hearing, sight, smell, taste and touch. All great mnemonists (memory masters) develop extra sensitivity in each of their senses and blend them for enhanced recall. Movement: With any image, movement adds a giant range of possibilities to ‘link in’ and thus remember. As you remember, make your images three-dimensional, and so more vivid.

Association: Whatever you’re memorizing, associate or link it to something stable in your mental environment. Try linking to your friends and family as these are consistent.

Sexuality: We all have virtually perfect memory in this area. We are more likely to remember images through this as it incorporates all the senses. Humor: The more ridiculous, absurd and funny you make an image, the more memorable it is.

Imagination: Knowledge is limited, imagination embraces the entire world and stimulates progress. The more you apply imagination to memory, the better yours will be.

Sequence: If you combine sequence with other principles, it allows a much more immediate reference and increases the brain’s possibilities for random access.

Positive images: Better for memory, as the brain wants to recall them, while E it may block negative images.

Exaggeration: In all of your images, exaggerate size, shape, colour and sound, as it will make the image more memorable.

FROM Salisbury

AGE 26

HEIGHT 6ft

WEIGHT LOSS 26.3kg (4st 21b)

OLD VICES Fish and chips, sweets

Paper-round figure “At just 12 years old I was clinically obese, weighing in at around 60kg (9st 61b). My mum was even called into school because my teacher was worried about my weight. A year later, however, I started a paper round and began to lose weight almost instantly. Eventually I had three paper rounds and was doing more exercise than ever.

“As I grew, the amount I ate also increased, but I managed to control my weight – until I passed my driving test at 18 and bought a car. Instead of walking everywhere, I drove, but I kept eating the same amount. I’d have two bars of chocolate a day and feast on fish and chips.

“By the time I went to university in 1999 I was 114kg (18st), but reasonably happy with the way I was. Although friends told me that I should lose weight, I didn’t listen. It was only when I was creeping up towards the 19st mark, in September 2000, that I realized I was clinically obese again.

The 45-minute mile “The first thing I did was to cut down on takeaways, particularly fish and chips, as well as sweets and chocolate. A friend who was really into running asked if I wanted to join her, so I did that twice a week. I started off doing a mile but had to keep stopping to catch my breath and it took about 45 minutes. I kept at that for four months.

“I also bought a tae-box exercise video, which is based on martial arts, which features things like leg raises, punching and kick-boxing. It claims you can burn 250 calories in a 20- minute session.

“In the first three months I lost 10kg (1st 71b) and was really pleased with how things were going.

Then I had a blip when I put on almost 3kg (71b), which upset me. I’d picked up my bad

eating habits again, so I joined a gym. I still felt very unfit and found it really tough to begin with.

“Initially I went three times a week, doing 35 minutes on the rower, bike and step machine, then an hour on weights.

A girlfriend at last

“I still go three times a week, but now I spend less time doing cardiovascular work and more lifting weights. I spent about an hour-and ­a-half on weights. I also swim as it makes a change from the gym, doing 40 lengths in 45 minutes.

“I’d initially wanted to get down to 85kg (13st 61b), but I don’t think this is achievable unless

I drastically cut things from my diet, and I don’t want to. I’m happy the way I am. ‘The best thing, though, is that, after being single for six years, I have a girlfriend, and I’m sure that’s because I feel much more confident since losing weight.”

My tips for other fat-burners

Cut down on starchy foods, like potatoes, and eat them only twice a week. Eat fruits that are known for their fat burning effect, just like garcinia cambogia. Want to learn more about it? Check out what is garcinia cambogia. Be sensitive to the amount you’re eating – smaller portions are important for losing weight.

Everything in moderation. Instead of 14 chocolate bars a week, I now have one or two as a treat.