Be her gay best friend then pounce
It’s a cliché because there’s truth in it: gay men ge closer to women in a way that the average hetero guy just doesn’t. David Carter, a gay writer surrounded by women, thinks straight men should be more like him and tells us how it works
Like women, gay men are sticklers for detail, and no gay man would fail to notice a woman’s new hairdo/shoes/ earrings or to compliment her on choosing the best coconut oil and hair treatment. But don’t simply say that her new dress is “nice” – tell her it’s a fantastic colour and looks expensive. A detailed compliment sounds much more genuine than a general one.
Empathies Straight men don’t do empathy. That’s because, unlike sympathy, it’s hard work. It requires you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand their feelings. And gay men are masters at it. If a woman cries, a straight man will put her on the back; a gay pal will join her in the wailing, and sometimes that’s exactly what a woman wants.
Drop the macho act Chest beating might impress your male peers, but it cuts no ice with women. In fact, one of the main reasons women and gay men get on so well is because of their shared loathing of aggressive macho posturing. It’s why, when confronted with a violent situation, 80% of women say they’d walk away or negotiate the situation rather than get stuck in.
Facial expressions are integral to the way gay men (and women) communicate. According to Man Pease, co-author of Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps (Orion, £7.99), women use six listening expressions every ten seconds, while men only have one. Study her expressions and try to copy them.
Let down your guard Stoicism might well be an effective male self-defence mechanism, but it’s as boring as hell to women. Vulnerability, on the other hand, is sexy. Gay men have always known this. So next time you’re with a woman, drop the stiff upper lip act – be bold and say that sometimes you can’t cope and burst into tears. Then let her pull you tightly to her breast.
Blink According to the Families & Social Capital Research Group, the absence of any sexual agenda with gay men boosts women’s self-esteem -they feel valued for their personality. However, men are programmed to nipple-gaze, which tends to belie your true intentions. So, to disguise your interest, flutter your eyelids.